Clean Plate Club Blues

Have you ever looked at another girl’s plate to see how much of her food she ate compared to you?

It is a contest.  A real best friend dips her chip deep into the bowl of guacamole and says, “fuck bikini season.”

In a way, we drive each other’s issues with eating.  I can count the girls I know on one hand who do not have a paranoia about food and how much of it they put into their mouths.  

1. Mary Jane:  She smokes pot all day and eats like a bird but then every once in a while goes crazy for snacks. 
2. Business Miss:  She is simply a driven hard working girl who eats her sandwich and brownie and then every once in a while diets.  She does it silently, as in she doesn’t alert the world she is watching her weight, she just does it independently.
3. Southern Belle:  She loves loves loves unhealthy food and orders the fried chicken, biscuits and gravy but eats about a quarter of it.  It is a tradeoff.  She can’t resist her pleasure but has control.
4. Lucky Bitch:  She literally has a tape worm or some kind of sleeping disorder where the doctor told her, “to eat more salt...bags of chips.”  She is told to eat a ton to maintain her string bean figure.  

Recently I was sent old photos of me and two friends in a bath tub.  That night was so much fun!  But what we said when we looked at the pictures is that we are bigger now than we were then.  We proceeded to scan through Facebook photos of times when we were thinner and therefore, “better-looking.”  We are pissed and have excuses for why we have gained weight.  It’s not fair!

Part of me doesn’t know how to feel about food, except that the busier I am, the less I care.  The other part of me is obsessed and would hate to be an ounce less attractive because of that cookie I enjoyed.  It is such an up and down thing, but I would like to be happy with myself without thinking about my body.  Inner peace.