I hosted my own intervention. An asshole intervention. Because I wanted to release the image of my Mr. Big. And I wanted to know if my Lunchers also had Mr. Big issues.
Turns out they did!
The Confessions:
Tomboi: "Frank* lives in the city now. We talked all the time in college. We met at boarding school in Connecticut. We were 17. When I met him he took me home to his house and I really liked his family a lot. I wanted to be a part of it. When I went away to college, he started dating someone else and I guess he thought she fit better in his family. I guess she's the Natasha (Sex and the City reference). I'm the dancer and she works for this fancy design firm. She's from Greenwich."
GurlNexDoor: "Joe*. I met him, he was on the other kickball team. We just instantaneously clicked. Except we were a disaster together, we would always drink so much but also have a lot of fun. When I met him I thought he was the one. Really though the first 2 weeks were the only good part. And then everything became toxic. I ran into him at a bar and he was with his ex-girlfriend. I got jealous. That was the turning point. I gave him a hug and said hi. Then I went back to sit with my friends. He didn't come after me."
LotusFlower: "Cody*. He is my dream guy. He's from Japan, we met in college. I built him up in my head as the dream guy. But he didn't like me that way. He dated my friend instead, for 2 years. About 6 months ago my parents were telling me to open my mind to marriage. In Indian culture, we have arranged marriages. My parents proposed marriage to his parents. It turns out he was arranged to marry someone else. We are of different backgrounds, however it is traditional that you marry someone from your state. He is very rich. The girl he married is 7 years younger than him. He is very handsome."
My story is much more fucked up, but nonetheless young and misleading. What I wanted to know is why I paint a picture of what I "want" my life to be, including men. Including a Mr. Big. The guy I feel will be my Prince Charming, the guy who will rock my world.
..... None of that really exists. I can rock my own world. And I am closing my eyes to reality by wandering in my painting.
Okay, so LotusFlower referenced Sex and the City to show me how I must realize Mr Big is a delusion:
She said that Charlotte thought she was hitting jackpot when she married her first WASPy rich husband. He was everything she dreamed of in her pony tail and little white tennis skirt. But he was sexually incompetent and selfish. It didn't work out.
What did work out was her second marriage, to a bald chubby Jewish guy. He was miles outside her comfort zone, and certainly not what she pictured. Yet they fell in love, for real.
TomBoi told me how even though she knew her Mr. Big was in New York, she did not mention that she was also in New York. Because that would give him power... by trying to meet up. She ran into him standing in line at a club, "I was with my roommate and he came up to me while I was just standing there. He asked me to go with him to the next club. And I said no. Then he was snap chatting me all night. I didn't feed into it.
When you are no longer attached, you won't even care."
LotusFlower agreed, "Time heals all wounds. When I'm not under the spell, I do better. It's hard to be rational when your emotions are in the way."
I asked, "If you could ask him a question what would you ask?"
GurlNexDoor said, "I'm very straight forward so I feel like I already said a lot of things to him. Was he just as sad by the fact that it didn't work out? Obviously I was."
Then TomBoi asked, "Was I always your backup? Why was it hard for you to let me go too?"
TomBoi continued, "These are all things you are supposed to move on from. Already happened, it's already over. I did go over a phase where I would go over it in my head and play out scenarios. But I feel like I've grown up from that, "be with me, be with me," nonsense. If he wanted to be with you, he would be with you."
I said, "I don't want to be that girl."
It makes me crazy, because I feel like I have so much going for me. I investigated this obsession/delusion further. And discovered that even Scarlett, my all time favorite heroin of the novel, Gone With the Wind, had a Mr. Big.
Scarlett was ambitious, and if she wanted something, she did what it took to get it. She wanted Ashley, he didn't want her. Thus, her internal feud. She lost a love to Rhett Butler over it because she was so mesmerized. And the annoying part was, as a viewer from the outside, Ashley sucked! He was such a poetic panzee, no gumption. Not as strong as Scarlett. Yet she gave him power.
As God as my witness, I will never give in to Mr. Big again... ha!
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