The answer is that men would have to come up to us. And omg - try.
After reading the Vanity Fair article on Tinder, I realized something must be done to level out the dating game fair and square. Our grandparents' generation waited to have sex until marriage. Whereas our generation can have sex with someone 1-3 dates after meeting online. What if we could manage somewhere in the middle of these extremes?
The reason I feel women should make the first move, and cancel their Tinder, OkCupid, Jswipe profiles, is to reinstate the power we have lost. The power to be mysterious, the power to be beautifully adored creatures men must earn. Not fluffy pics they can click on.
When I asked Lipstick Lunch about men and online dating they said:
1). Describe your type of guy...
GurlNexDoor, "Some initiative, motivated, successful, family oriented, good head on their shoulders."
IndieFlickChick, "All of my relationships don't fit, 'my criteria.' I'm all about body language. He should be independent and can tell really good stories. About my height, foreign, skinny, a skateboarder, and a sense of humor."
PoshSpice, "Ambitious, very sexual. Sex is important, he has to be in tune with himself. A creative thinker, taller than me. I like goofy guys to reciprocate my oddities. Smart but not ivy league smart."
LotusFlower, "Dreamy, romantic, intellectual, sweet. I thought I would want a good looking guy, but when you are in love would would learn to love his face."
TomBoi, "Really tall white guys who look like they play football. I'm okay with being led, and not leading. I'm 5'9 and 160 lbs, so yeah. Maybe I have some daddy issues, because my dad is a big guy so I want a big guy. However I've found all those guys have similar stories. I'm waiting for a guy to surprise me."
2). Difference between making love and fucking...
IndieFlickChick, "Sex is a blanket term. I think you can fuck and make love at the same time."
3). List 3 places you have met guys in the past year to 2 years in real life...
TomBoi, "Working in a restaurant."
PoshSpice, "Weddings."
GurlNexDoor, "Opposing kickball teams."
IndieFlickChick, "Mutual friends."
LotusFlower, "Through family."
4). What are the pros and cons of using a dating app?
PoshSpice, "Someone once told me, 'Every relationship is one step closer to the relationship you're supposed to be in.'"
GurlNextDoor, "You meet some characters. I just started on one called, 'The League,' where it combines your LinkedIn account with your Facebook to make your profile. Every guy is like short and Jewish."
LotusFlower, "Guys in NYC are so unique and should all be given a chance. Plus, single life is rich."
TomBoi, "Pro: when I first moved to New York, it got me out to places I wouldn't normally go to on my own. Con: I didn't have clear objectives, it was always so casual."
IndieChickFlick, "Because you are with someone wondering what if there is someone better."
5). In Amy Schumer's recent film, Trainwreck, Amy's character shares that she has a big #. Is she telling women to accept their behavior, or does a big # make us sluts...
PoshSpice, "It's not slutty, it's experienced."
IndieFlickChick, "She is not proud or ashamed, it's just her character."
TomBoi, "Men have to be held at standards the same way women would be."
6). Quickest time frame you have jumped into bed with a guy and longest you waited...
TomBoi, "Morning charity event at my sorority. It started at 8am and we were in bed by 9:30am."
PoshSpice, "First date, because I knew him prior. And the longest, 5 dates. He wanted to wait for me."
IndieFlickChick, "We met a few times at a local hangout then organically slept together at a friend's house in Brooklyn. That night we 69'ed, then had an open long distance relationship and then moved in with each other. As of October 4 it will be one year."
GurlNexDoor, "I waited until college to have sex and have slept with my boyfriend since. So yeah!"
I would like to hear what everybody thinks, men and women. People dating in NYC: What do you think the scene would be like without dating apps?
Do you like a potential mate less if you know they use dating apps?
What is the experience like, first meeting someone you met from an app? Your expectations?
Do you prefer to arrive first or second to the location?
If everything does work out, do you think you will tell your grandchildren the truth about where you met?
If there really wasn't the option of dating apps, do you think people would open their hearts more considering the value of the moment?
I have a recent curious anecdote to share regarding whether couples in our grandparents' generation actually waited till marriage to consummate their relationship:
ReplyDeleteThe EPIPHANY I attained from that amusing incident is that we would be quite surprised to find out how many women, since the beginning of time, have had pre-marital sex and conceived before the wedding! Hence, I now realize that "sex after marriage" is really just a myth, regardless of the era.
My female friend, who told me that anecdote, evaluated waiting till marriage a sad sign of misogyny.
I also do not particularly believe that playing hard to get will really lead the guy toward us. I speak from a lifetime of experience of actually *being* hard to get; being the *Princesse Lointaine,* who is defined by her unattainability.
It would, instead, work well if we acted with ease and nonchalance. Although it is also good to have a healthy balance between premeditation and spontaneity.